Sewing Puns for Every Occasion

This article is a treasure of puns, jokes, and riddles about sewing, quilting, and everything in between.
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Last updatedLast updated: May 17, 2021

Sewing can be, well…sew exhausting. Whether by hand or by machine, it’s time-consuming, and sometimes what (or who!) we sew for can be tiring. Whether we’re making the next greatest piece ever known to the fashion world, or we’re making a Christmas gift, we’re spending all of our energy on hoping the recipient will love it—sewing can be stressful—maybe this funny list of sewing puns will help you relax and laugh!

Funny jokes about sewing

Here is a compiled, assembled list of some of the greatest sewing jokes I could find—and come up with. They’ll be sure to leave you in stitches! Read on, and not only will you sharpen your sewing humor to a (needle)point, but you’ll have some jokes to share with friends and family.

One-liners

Here’s a few great one-liners—a couple of…straight stitches, if you will.

(Speaking of straight stitches and other stitches, needles can be used for more than just those.)

Before we get on with the jokes, consider taking a look at Sewing Land’s article about the best needles for hand sewing. This article takes a look at the eleven best sewing needles that can take on any and all projects that may come up on a whim. Get straight to the point of any sewing project with the assistance of Sewing Land’s recommendations! Now, without further ado…

  • How’d you know the serial bank robber was a tailor in his spare time? It appeared he was following a pattern!
  • You know, I play with scissors—for the sheer fun it gives me!
  • Speaking of sharp sewing objects, you’ll want to slowly back away once you hand over my seam ripper…
  • Doctor, what do you mean I have a problem? This couldn’t possibly be a hoarding disorder—I prefer to call it my fabric collection. Thank you very much!
  • I had a friend explain a sewing pattern to me, and he just wouldn’t shut up! He kept going on and on, this and that, sew on and so forth…
  • I’m not hugging you because I care—I’m trying to see if this sweater you’re wearing is made of wool or if it’s made of polyester!
  • What’s the seamstress’s preferred mode of travel? Stitchhiking!

Jokes about quilting

  • Sewing Puns for Every OccasionWhat do you call the quilting club down the street? A block party!
  • I recently went to the doctor…and received a new prescription! 1x Quilt—daily!
  • With the right amount of quarters, anything you put your mind to is possible!
  • A friend of mine once told me that patchwork quilts were better than embroidered quilts—and I told her I’m not inclined to comment—I’m not making any blanket statements!
  • There’s more to quilting than simply being a hobby—it’s a life skill for when the apocalypse comes around!
  • You know, I was watching a crime show recently. It got to the part where they caught the girl who they thought was the killer—they had the evidence all lined up and everything, ready to really pursue the case. Court date comes, and the whole town is on edge to see what happens. They present the evidence, but never mind that the suspect is super into sewing, knitting, and quilting—she’s innocent…until proven quilty!
  • I like to think of my office job as a distraction from the real work at hand—my unfinished quilts!
  • I once got told by a friend that she held the record for most quilts quilted in a 24-hour period—but I’m starting to think that her story’s a bit fabric
  • Quilting forever—everything else? Never!
  • Nothing truly haunts us, like the projects we never finished and the fabrics we just didn’t buy.
  • Why couldn’t the quilter convince Santa Claus to pass by at Christmas? Well, for starters, he didn’t have enough backing!

Jokes about sewing machines

  • This next one’s not a joke, but rather a quote—Jeff Bezos did once say—that you haven’t had enough coffee till you can thread a running sewing machine!
  • They had a sewing machine go on American Idol a couple of seasons ago—wasn’t he a great Singer?
  • You know what it is that they say about having a clean house—clearly, the sewing machine hasn’t been working all that well lately!
  • I’m not mad about having to stay at home due to the lockdowns; I’ve been spending all my time looking for new patterns and—I call it sew-cial distancing!
  • I much prefer sewing by machine—they told me to try sewing by hand, said it would be fun—twelve lost seam rippers later…
  • I’ve decided that with all this time stuck at home? I’m putting the pedal to the metal…and using my new sewing machine!
  • I really need to stop with these sewing jokes, don’t I? Seems like I’m running out of material!

Speaking of sewing machines, Sewing Land has a list compiled of the best Singer sewing machines—and unfortunately, these don’t sing, as the name may suggest. Take a break from the jokes above, improve your sewing machine collection, and learn more about what makes a great machine in the process. The article can be found here.

At the top of the list, though (you’ll need to see the article to see the other best recommendations), is the Singer 7258 Stylist. With a massive 203 available built-in stitches, this machine for you if you want to go with something efficient, visually very appealing, and that has longevity like quite no other machine. With a wide variety of needle positions and a speed of seven hundred stitches per minute, you couldn’t possibly go wrong with the Stylist!

Also, a fantastic sewing machine that really gets the job done is the Singer Promise 1412 sewing machine—check it out here. With a heavy-duty metal frame and eighteen different stitch functions, you can trust the Promise (sorry, I just can’t help myself) of the Singer Promise to be there for all your sewing needs and for every last project you may come across. Singer is the ‘sewer’s choice,’ and for a good reason! Not only can the Promise operate under an automatic bobbin, but it also can handle thick fabrics like denim with such ease that it’s not even funny!

Plus, here’s another great machine to consider—the Singer 4423 in grey. With twenty-three built-in stitches and an amazingly sleek and minimalistic design, the 4423 boasts a fantastically useful automatic needle threader—it’s so precise, you could sew in the dark! One of the best parts that this particular machine has to offers its users is the fact that it sews 1,100 stitches per minute—talk about efficiency, right? Now, back to the needle jokes—these, I think, might be a bit blunt.

Jokes about needles

You know what it is that they say about Christmas trees—can’t trust ‘em in a sewing room or at the knitting club meetings—they drop waaay too many needles!

You know, if I had a joke to tell you about needles, I would tell it. But I’ll be blunt—what’s the point?

Successful acupuncture? Now that’s a jab well done!

There’s a new site out there called needleinahaystack.com. Couldn’t find it at first—took some searching!

Well, every needle seems to be looking for a thumb, right? Well, worry no more about pinpricks—make sewing painless, I say! Sewing Land has done it again, and here’s a comprehensive list of their favorite thimbles. The article can be found here—sew and protect your thumbs in style!

Sewing Land recommends a leather thimble, contrary to the traditional metal ones you may have always seen used. Cowhide is the leather of choice in this one, mostly because its thick material is thick enough to prevent any needle slips and piercings of its surface. Since the design of a leather cowhide thimble (the first on the list, at a 9.7 editor’s rating out of 10) is easily manipulated and has a more three-dimensional feel, you can trust that the chances of it working for you and snugly, properly fitting your fingers are high!

Sewing riddles

Sewing Puns for Every Occasion

Sewing in and of itself can often be a riddle, can’t it? It can be confusing, patterns and projects misleading, and then you feel like everything you’re working on is just one big mess. Take a break from those projects and take a look at these sewing riddles—let’s untangle all the threads of each one, shall we?

  • My greatest joy is the union of two—darning my existence! My life hangs by a single thread, riddled with ups, and downs—not to mention, resistance. What am I?

A: A sewing machine!

  • What made the sewing machine so funny?

A: It really had everyone in stitches!

  • Here’s an easy one: what has an eye but lacks a head?

A: A needle!

  • What kind of button won’t you be able to find in the craft store, no matter how hard you look?

A: A belly button!

  • There once lived an old woman, much unlike any other. She lives in a house of four wooden walls and not much else. She speaks to pincushions, and she tells time only through the click, click of something coming through the ceiling. She has a single eye and a tail perhaps too long for her body—each time her body passed through a gap, she needed mind her tail, lest it got trapped. What is she?

A: A needle.

  • A sewing machine has this, as does a poem, a page, and as do you. What could it be?

A: A foot!

Final thoughts

Now, I know a lot of these puns were probably pretty bad—as it goes with puns. I’m surely hoping that some of them may have made you laugh, and others may have been, well, pointless.

I’ll stop, I promise—but in the meantime, I’m sure these jokes combined with these fantastic recommendations for items to add to your sewing box (or drawer, or room, or whole house!) will definitely keep you busy in the time to come—especially with the COVID pandemic—there’s really no better time than now than to pick up a new hobby—be it sewing, embroidery, knitting, or stand-up comedy!

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